


Lady Godiva's Horse

by B3KindB3Safe



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Genre: F/M, Shandy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 21:57:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20235025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B3KindB3Safe/pseuds/B3KindB3Safe
Summary: A short little piece made up of silly secrets and sweet talk shared on a weekend getaway between a certain police commander and one of her lieutenants.





	Lady Godiva's Horse

“Ahhhhhh, my God, this is soooooooo goooooooood….”

Andy Flynn smiled at the sound of his wife voicing the obvious pleasure she had found in the bubbling water of the hot tub which was situated on the deck just outside the bedroom of their rented cabin. A glass of red wine in one hand for her and his cranberry and soda in his other, he used his elbow to open the screen door. “What if it’s too cold?” He pitched his voice in a high register, mimicking the question Sharon had asked the month before as they looked at photos online of the cabin and the deck on which they now found themselves.

“If you’re going to make fun of me, I’ll happily go back inside and put on my swimsuit.”

Gas-fueled lanterns on either side of the door provided a golden glow but left the tub mostly in the dark so the fact that his wife was naked beneath the bubbles came as a delightful surprise. 

“You’re naked?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Hastily placing the glasses within reach on the side, Andy was out of his robe and poised to step down into the water only to be halted as Sharon suddenly moved to the middle of the tub, the tops of her breasts bobbing at the water line as she moved to her knees and pointed at his black swim trunks. “I don’t think so.”

“I’ll take them off after I get in.”

“They’ll come off easier dry than wet,” she countered. 

“You just want to watch me get naked, admit it.”

“You know it, big boy.”

“Oh, whatever.”

He made another attempt to step into the tub, but was again stopped as she cooed, “Andy, come on. Take off your trunks, sweetheart.”

“It’s freaking cold.”

She laughed as he repeated the words about which he had teased her only moments before. “Not in the water it’s not.”

The thirty-four degree weather causing him to shiver, he admitted through chattering teeth, “Well, not to be entirely crass, but Alvin, Simon, and Theodore have retreated North and I’d rather not subject you to that sight.”  


“Ugh…you know I hate it when you refer to your penis and testicles as The Chipmunks.”  


“I’m just saying…”

Sharon moved back to her original spot as she insisted, “I am well acquainted with your anatomy in its normal state, Mr. Flynn, and I promise you have nothing of which to be ashamed, and I can’t see anything anyway because I’m not wearing my glasses.”  


“Promise?”  


“Oh, my goodness! I’ll close my eyes, you ridiculous man. You’re going to catch pneumonia if you don’t get in. Hurry up!”  


“I’m feeling very vulnerable right now, I’ll have you know.”

“Oh, just get in the water already!”

Trunks quickly dropped, Andy nearly crashed into her as he made a quick entry into the water. 

“Well, that was a graceful entrance.” 

“Yeah, well, I was afraid hypothermia was setting in for Mr. Jiggledaddy and the twins.”

Sharon couldn’t help but laugh at the new silly moniker he had given to his genitalia. “Jiggledaddy, good lord! Why do men insist on giving their privates such silly nicknames?”

Picking up their glasses from the side, he handed over hers as he answered, “Because we never really mature beyond the age of twelve when it comes to our penises.”

“No kidding. I have worked in a male-dominated workforce for more than thirty years, my love. I am well-versed in immature, jocular talk.”

“This does feel amazing.” Andy settled against the wall to Sharon’s left, moving his legs to tangle with hers as they enjoyed the sounds of nature and the whirring jets beneath the water. 

Thinking they had moved past the subject, Sharon was preparing to push herself up and over towards Andy when he suddenly burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“I was just remembering something.”

She gave his leg a tap with her foot, imploring him to continue. “Well?”

“It’s not…It’s dumb. It’s a dumb man thing”

“Go on.”

“You’re sure?”

“I have two sons and I work with you bunch of goofballs all day every day. I think I can handle it.”

“We were on a stakeout a few years back; Provenza and I were in the van with Buzz, and Julio and Mike were a few blocks away in another car, and nothing was happening, so we got to talking…”

“I can’t wait to hear about this intellectual exchange.”

He chuckled, “Yeah. Real intellectual. I don’t even remember what started it, but suffice to say, I now know that Provenza calls his,” he gestured towards his lap, “the Wonder Weasel, and Sanchez calls his the Vagina Miner.”

“Oh, dear God,” Sharon lifted her hands to hide her face as she tried not to laugh, although a burst of giggles soon escaped.  


“No, but Mike’s was the best!”

“You know I am not going to be able to look any of them in the eye for weeks now, don’t you?” She waited for him to continue, but when he didn’t, she pressed. “Well, go on. I might as well not look Mike in the eye, either.”

“Supercallifragiliciousexpialidocious.”

“What?!”

“You know? That song from Mary Poppins.”

“Why on earth would he call it that?”

Andy bit his bottom lip before blurting out, “Because he said it was a mouthful!”

“Ugggggghhhhhh! Why? Why did I ask? You are all idiots. Silly, gross idiots.”

“So, you women don’t use nicknames when you talk about your vaginas?”

“Andy…”

Retrieving their glasses again, he passed hers over. “Come on. I’m just curious.”

“Well…I can’t believe this is what we are talking about…”

“Indulge me.”

While Andy and Sharon enjoyed a satisfying sex-life, verbal communication didn’t play much of a part in the experience, and it wouldn’t have surprised Andy if his wife’s cheeks weren’t a bit pink from not only the hot water in which they sat, but from embarrassment as he pushed her to participate in a conversation that clearly made her uncomfortable.

She took a large gulp of wine before admitting, “Well, my mother always referred to it as the flowerpot.”  


“The flowerpot?”

“Because it’s where the seeds are planted.”

“Ah. Your mother was very much a product of her generation.”

Sharon chuckled. “Oh, yes. I doubt the word “penis” ever crossed her lips, much less anything nearing a nickname. It was your down there.”

Rubbing the top of his foot along her calf, he asked, “Did she ever give you the big sex talk?”

Laughing, she recalled, “Of course. It was the night before my wedding, mind you this was immediately following my coming home from having sex in the front seat of Jack’s car behind the restaurant where we had our rehearsal dinner…”

“Little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes had sex the night before her wedding?”

“Yes, well, we’d been sleeping together for a year at that point, not that my mother had a clue, but we also figured we would be exhausted from the actual day when it came to our wedding night, so we just did the consummating early.”

“Ah. Practicality over tradition.”

Sharon nodded, but added, “And I knew Jack would be well and truly tanked by the end of the night with an open bar and having been the center of attention all day.”

“You should have been the center of attention. You were the bride.”

“Yes, well, you’ve met my ex-husband.”

“Mmm…right.” He reached down and gave her foot an affectionate squeeze. “So, your sex talk with your mom?”

“Sex talk? More like a rambling, incoherent chat about dealing with the pain of the first time and how it really isn’t so bad once you get used to it, and how it probably wouldn’t last long, and how eventually Jack’s fascination would wear off and I’d only have to do it once or twice a month after we started having children.”

“Wow. I’d say your mom undersold it a bit.”

Sharon laughed, “That’s putting it mildly,” but her tone changed as she admitted, “Actually, it just made me feel really sorry for her, to be honest. I really enjoyed sex and it made me wonder why she didn’t.”

“Well, she was of the lay-back-and-it-will-be-over-quickly generation.”

“Yeah, maybe. I wonder if my parents even continued to have sex after my mom was in her forties. She had stopped having kids by then and being good Catholics they never would have used birth control. I can’t even imagine it, I mean here I am having the best sex of my life at sixty.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Oh, definitely yeah.” Finishing her last bit of wine, Sharon set the empty glass on the lip of the hot tub and then pushed herself to the middle, her hands resting on Andy’s now bent knees. “What about you? Your dad ever sit you down and have a man to man about the birds and the bees?”

“Ha! Yeah, my old man sat me down and said, Don’t be stupid. Use a rubber or you’ll end up like your stupid cousin Richie and have an ugly wife and a screaming baby before you’re eighteen!”

“Subtle.”

“That was my pop.”

Her chin resting on her hands, she let her head fall to the side as he reached out and let a few loose tendrils that had escaped the pile of hair atop her head run through his fingers. The lantern light from the door illuminated her profile and he basked in the beauty of her make-up less face. “It’s so good to be alone with you. No phones. No kids. No Provenza.”

“Mmm…it’s wonderful.”

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” His hand moved to cup her cheek as he leaned forward so that their noses were almost touching. “We’ll do whatever you want.”

“Let’s sleep and then let’s eat and then we can make love and then sleep some more and then eat some more and then make love again.”

“That sounds like heaven.”

Pushing down on his knees, she moved so that she was straddling his lap. 

“Whatever you have planned for now, just please don’t pinch me,” he requested as he moved his hands to her waist.

“Well, I hadn’t planned on it, but why mustn’t I pinch you?”

“Because this feels like a dream that I really don’t want to wake from.”

“Aw, Andy, you say the sweetest things, but now I can’t resist.” She reached down and gave his thigh a light squeeze with her fingers. “See there? Not a dream.”

“Well, then, maybe I am dead, and this really is heaven.”

Reaching down between his legs, she took his arousal in her hand, her fingers lightly stroking one side as her thumb ran the length of the underside as she leaned forward and began placing light kisses on his lips. 

“I’m dead and you’re an angel,” he whispered as he moved to bite gently on her earlobe before letting his lips and tongue play down the length of her neck and over her collarbone.

“No, oh no. We are very much alive.” Using her free hand, she lifted his hand so that it rested on her breast over her heart. “Feel that?” Letting go of his member, she mirrored his position so that his own heartbeat registered against her palm. 

“I feel you.” Pulling his hand back, he leaned forward and kissed the spot where it had just rested before slipping his fingers between her legs, seeking to return the pleasure she had given him only moments before.

“I want you inside me, Andy,” she half-moaned, half-whispered. 

His hands moving to her hips, he helped her rise and maneuver forward until their bodies joined.

Their rhythm set, Andy took full advantage of their positioning by wrapping his lips around her left nipple, his tongue swirling across the tight bud when he felt Sharon’s fingers wrap around the base of his shaft. 

Her breathing a bit labored, she gasped a few times but managed, “I know what you should call it.”

Releasing her nipple, he looked up at her lovely, smiling face. “Call what?” 

“This,” she let her fingers run up his shaft as she lifted herself up so that he almost slipped outside of her body. “I know what you should call it.”

“What?”

A throaty giggle escaped her lips before she answered, “Lady Godiva’s horse.”

Stilling her hips with a steady grip, he gave her a puzzled look. “Lady Godiva’s horse?”

“Yes, because I like to ride it naked.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
This is my first piece published on AO3 after some bad experiences on another platform. I enjoy these two so much and I hope that it might bring even a tiny spark of joy to your day.


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